Breaking the Mold: How Couples Therapy Can Transform Addiction Recovery

For too long, couples affected by addiction have been told to put their relationship on hold while focusing exclusively on individual recovery. As someone who has personally navigated the arduous journey of addiction and recovery, both in my own life and through decades of professional work with couples, I’ve seen firsthand how this approach leaves relationships vulnerable during the most critical transition periods.

I’m thrilled to share that I’ve recently completed the Gottman Couples and Addiction Recovery program certification. This groundbreaking approach represents a paradigm shift in how we support couples affected by addiction, and it’s already transforming how I work with clients at Ascend Counseling and Wellness.

The Three Recoveries Happening Simultaneously

What makes the Gottman approach revolutionary is its recognition that there are three distinct but interconnected recovery processes happening at once:

The recovery of the person with a substance use disorder
The recovery of the partner from the trauma and impact of addiction
The recovery of the relationship itself

Traditional treatment models focus almost exclusively on the first recovery while neglecting the other two. Partners are often directed to support groups but told to essentially put their relationship needs on hold. The problem? Relationships don’t pause during recovery. Without support, many don’t survive this critical transition.

Beyond “Codependency”: A More Nuanced Approach

One concept I particularly value in this approach is the distinction between unhealthy “codependency” and healthy “interdependency.” The term codependency has often carried negative connotations, suggesting that partners somehow enable addiction through their need for the relationship.

Rather than labeling partners as “codependent,” the Gottman approach helps couples identify specific behaviors that may unintentionally support addiction, while strengthening the healthy interdependence that supports recovery. This focus on boundaries, not barriers—staying connected while respecting each person’s recovery needs—creates a foundation for healing together.

Practical Tools for Recovery as a Team

The program provides several specialized interventions for couples in recovery:

Breaking through denial together through structured exercises
Conflict management skills specific to recovery challenges
Recovery card decks that help couples discuss complex topics like trust and boundaries
Development of individual and shared recovery rituals that support both sobriety and connection

Throughout the process, couples create what we call a “relationship recovery”—a new way of being together defined not by addiction but by mutual support, understanding, and growth.

Who Can Benefit?

This approach can help various couples affected by addiction:

Couples where one or both partners are in early recovery
Couples transitioning home after one partner completes treatment
Couples in longer-term recovery who still feel relationship damage
Couples impacted by behavioral addictions like gambling or sexual compulsion
Even couples where active addiction is still present, but there’s a readiness to change

My Personal Connection

This approach resonates deeply with me because of my own recovery journey. Having worked in recovery since 2002, after experiencing addiction from 14 to 19 years old and then again in my late thirties, I’ve seen the devastation addiction causes to trust and relationships.

My wife Tina and I navigated this difficult transition ourselves and are approaching forty years of marriage. I know firsthand that relationships can not only survive but thrive after addiction, but they need the proper support at the right time.

Take the First Step

If addiction has impacted your relationship, you don’t have to wait to start healing together. The earliest stages of recovery are actually when relationship support is most critical.

To schedule an appointment, call our Ascend Counseling and Wellness office at 435-688-1111 or email me directly at kevin@ascendcw.com.

Recovery as a couple is possible—and it can start today.

As part of the human race it is interesting to think about how we think of and treat others as a duty, or following the natural law of reciprocity, or as a higher purpose of service without expectations of anything in return. In many ways it makes sense that we only find it most natural to serve others for whom we care about. We may have a duty to serve everyone, or as mentioned at least deal justly with, and respect all others. It is far too easy to separate people into different groups and feel various motivations as to why and to what level we would have a duty to serve them. This spectrum of levels of caring for others should be more even and equal but our intentions really dictate our attitudes and actions.

The first thought I have as I think about the differences in how I feel and act on duties regarding others, is that subconsciously I separate those I feel I should take care of and those that are outside of that scope. My intimates (family and close friends), loved ones (certain; extended family, friends, co-workers, & neighbors), acquaintances (people I have a connection with), and my fellow man (all others). I truly feel a desire and obligation to serve intimates and most loved ones to a certain degree. It’s more of a desire than a duty. Acquaintances and my fellow man are for the most part outside of this sense of duty to take care of, but I definitely feel like I should honor and respect them and support their well-being if possible. I am pleased that I do not consider anyone to be an enemy or outside the scope of good will towards them.

Intimates are those that I serve authentically, much of the time without my mask. They see the best and worst of me. Consequently they receive the highest level of service but at times they are taken for granted and not served or honored nearly as they should be. It would be my will to take care of intimates as they deserve to be without judgment or harshness. I owe them more kindness and need to check all attitudes that stop me from caring as I need to.

Loved ones may not get as deep of a level of service and caring but what they do get is mostly good. They see the best of me most of the time. It seems funny that these less intimate family and friends would get a more balanced, level, and consistent level of love and compassion but in reality they do. I tend to see the best in them and show them the best of myself.

Acquaintances and my fellow man for the most part are not on my radar as people that I have a duty to serve unless for some certain reason I wake up and pay attention to them and their specific needs. They deserve more than my respect and honor. I need to do more to be aware of their needs and I feel it is my duty to acknowledge this and do more for them.

This writing assignment help me notice subtle attitudes within me that need to change. I need to be more awake and aware of everyone. I need to be kinder and gentler in my intimate relationships. My circle of intimates can be expanded and I should not ever take them for granted, be open with them and truly let them in, and love them as they deserve to be loved. Just like we do not do that which we do not, DESIRE, we do not serve others unless we really CARE for them. We all need to understand better the word care. If and when we open our hearts more of the time and see the highest in others we will automatically care for them. In my work I look for and see the best in others and on a daily basis move strangers from my fellow man group into the loved ones category in minutes of meeting them. I need to do this all the time as I cross the paths of others, look for and honor their humanity fully, it is not only my duty but my nature. May we all wake up and truly notice how incredible everyone is. You don’t have to watch a video on “You Tube” with inspirational music and such to feel connected to the beauty of humanity, you just need to open your eyes and heart and notice that we are already connected.