Breaking the Mold: How Couples Therapy Can Transform Addiction Recovery

For too long, couples affected by addiction have been told to put their relationship on hold while focusing exclusively on individual recovery. As someone who has personally navigated the arduous journey of addiction and recovery, both in my own life and through decades of professional work with couples, I’ve seen firsthand how this approach leaves relationships vulnerable during the most critical transition periods.

I’m thrilled to share that I’ve recently completed the Gottman Couples and Addiction Recovery program certification. This groundbreaking approach represents a paradigm shift in how we support couples affected by addiction, and it’s already transforming how I work with clients at Ascend Counseling and Wellness.

The Three Recoveries Happening Simultaneously

What makes the Gottman approach revolutionary is its recognition that there are three distinct but interconnected recovery processes happening at once:

The recovery of the person with a substance use disorder
The recovery of the partner from the trauma and impact of addiction
The recovery of the relationship itself

Traditional treatment models focus almost exclusively on the first recovery while neglecting the other two. Partners are often directed to support groups but told to essentially put their relationship needs on hold. The problem? Relationships don’t pause during recovery. Without support, many don’t survive this critical transition.

Beyond “Codependency”: A More Nuanced Approach

One concept I particularly value in this approach is the distinction between unhealthy “codependency” and healthy “interdependency.” The term codependency has often carried negative connotations, suggesting that partners somehow enable addiction through their need for the relationship.

Rather than labeling partners as “codependent,” the Gottman approach helps couples identify specific behaviors that may unintentionally support addiction, while strengthening the healthy interdependence that supports recovery. This focus on boundaries, not barriers—staying connected while respecting each person’s recovery needs—creates a foundation for healing together.

Practical Tools for Recovery as a Team

The program provides several specialized interventions for couples in recovery:

Breaking through denial together through structured exercises
Conflict management skills specific to recovery challenges
Recovery card decks that help couples discuss complex topics like trust and boundaries
Development of individual and shared recovery rituals that support both sobriety and connection

Throughout the process, couples create what we call a “relationship recovery”—a new way of being together defined not by addiction but by mutual support, understanding, and growth.

Who Can Benefit?

This approach can help various couples affected by addiction:

Couples where one or both partners are in early recovery
Couples transitioning home after one partner completes treatment
Couples in longer-term recovery who still feel relationship damage
Couples impacted by behavioral addictions like gambling or sexual compulsion
Even couples where active addiction is still present, but there’s a readiness to change

My Personal Connection

This approach resonates deeply with me because of my own recovery journey. Having worked in recovery since 2002, after experiencing addiction from 14 to 19 years old and then again in my late thirties, I’ve seen the devastation addiction causes to trust and relationships.

My wife Tina and I navigated this difficult transition ourselves and are approaching forty years of marriage. I know firsthand that relationships can not only survive but thrive after addiction, but they need the proper support at the right time.

Take the First Step

If addiction has impacted your relationship, you don’t have to wait to start healing together. The earliest stages of recovery are actually when relationship support is most critical.

To schedule an appointment, call our Ascend Counseling and Wellness office at 435-688-1111 or email me directly at kevin@ascendcw.com.

Recovery as a couple is possible—and it can start today.